Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
