3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
