she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
