i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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