Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize