You can't motorboat a personality
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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