i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
