i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
