Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
