im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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