I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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