Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
