you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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