My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
