i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
