They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
