just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
