i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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