Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
