Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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