You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
