I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize