Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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