I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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