I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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