Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
