I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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