I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
