The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
