Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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