Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
