Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
