Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
