i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
