I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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