he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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