Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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