I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
