She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am available for nakedness
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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