one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
