A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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