Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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