Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
