i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
