1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The struggles of a small town man whore
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
