I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm at about main and main street
I will pee on everything he values.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
