my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
