You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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