my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
