i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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