I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
