We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I checked into jail on foursquare
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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