TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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