the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
