So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
