If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
