yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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