I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize