She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
