This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
