Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
