I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
