Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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