tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
BRING THE BAGELS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
