dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
