I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
