I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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