Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
