found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
