I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize