im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
