my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
