Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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