1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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