what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
