I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize