I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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