i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
