i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
