Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
