not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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