im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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