this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I understand Curling. That high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
