I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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