Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
