Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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