New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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