Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
