is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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