I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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