Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
