I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
