I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
only you would photoshop your dick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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