Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
